you traded sex for a burrito?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
