I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
