I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
