Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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