i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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