Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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