Just took my morning after pill in the library
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
