I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
