dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
