I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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