I cannot find my penis.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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