at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
