Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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