I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
