i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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