hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
