well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
