I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
