Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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