OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
