I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
