She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
