weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
