Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
