Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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