Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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