Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
