I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
