you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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