Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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