You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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