Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
