Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
