I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
