you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
