He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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