i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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