he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
