mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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