im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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