im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
