is your mom at the bar?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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