I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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