after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
