She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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