and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
