So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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