i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
