I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
