you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
